Frequently asked questions

What are your values as a therapist?

Some of the values that I hold personally that influence my work include honesty, integrity, and informed consent. I am nonjudgmental and accepting of every religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, and belief system, with the exception of those that call for harm to others. While my values help me create a container of safety in which to do our work, I aim to help you get in touch with your own values, and allow them to illuminate the way forward.

I feel very strongly about destigmatizing therapy. I see the therapy process as entirely positive. It is a way to know yourself better, improve relationships, find ways to achieve essential goals, and simply feel better. I know that therapy has earned a negative reputation from unethical or incompetent therapists, uncertainty about the mechanisms by which it works, and hack approaches that don't work at all.

Yet, I personally know several brilliant and empathetic therapists who are dedicated to providing the best treatment available, and I know how important it is to get help in changing problems that don't go away on their own—that in fact often get passed down through generations.

Although therapy can at times be uncomfortable, it should never be re-traumatizing or too painful to endure. I work at a pace that is comfortable yet productive for each individual. If ever the process does become painful, scary, or awkward, I am completely open to receiving that feedback and making adjustments.

Will you tell me what to do, or just listen and make me figure it out for myself?

There’s a saying in the field: the therapist is the expert on therapy, and the client is the expert on the client. I’ll always honor your autonomy. I’ll provide any information I’m aware of that may help you make a decision—research findings, theoretical principles, options you may not have considered. I may at times personally disagree with your choices, and I may voice a concern if harmful consequences seem likely, but the therapist’s role is to help you make your own decisions, not to make them for you. 

I won't sit back and enigmatically rebuff your questions (“How do you think I would answer that question?”). I’ll create space for you to lay out all the options and notice what’s most essential. I'll help you get in touch with your own inner wisdom to make the best decision for you.

When is the right time to come to therapy?

In my experience, the best time to start is when you’re stuck in some way. Lots of people seek help to keep a good thing going, or to pick up the pieces after a major breakdown. Both of those are also good reasons to be in therapy; however, I’ve found a particular sweet spot with people coming in to work on things that aren’t too bad yet, but clearly in need of some attention. Then we can do focused, productive work, clearly see improvements, and usually avoid the bigger problems lurking on the horizon.

The most frequent regret I hear from my clients is that they did not pursue therapy earlier. With unfortunate frequency, people wait until things are at their worst before seeking help. I’ve had clients come in following suicide attempts, separations, and other major calamities, and helped them learn the skills and make the changes that could have prevented them.

Therapy doesn't have to be a last resort; in fact, it usually works more quickly when started before things get too bad.